After months of pressure I have finally chosen to take the plunge and blog about the terrifying topic, which is the young 20 something dating scene. With the intention of being a base of reassuring words, and funny/tragic antidotes of my own love life for my friends to touch base with. The last year of singledom has seen some highs, lows and crippling awkwardness on my part. The decision to be brutally honest and share my experiences is highly nerve racking, yet hopefully will make for an interesting read. Think we forget all too readily that we’re all in the same boat when it comes to dating, therefore insight into someone else’s shambles of a life can only be productive. I’m no pro dater, and with only one long term relationship under my metaphorical belt, I claim to be no expert. However as it dawns on me that I could bring myself to take the plunge into an actual adult relationship for the second time in my life again, I felt the need to reflect on what I have learnt, witnessed and would rather forget from the last 4 years.
We’re all rookies when it comes to men. I recently found myself blurting out to my younger sister ‘when is it ok for me to sleep with him…how many dates do I have to go on?!.’ Is the 3 date rule something which if we don’t abide by everything is going to go horrible wrong, or is it some ridiculous ploy to make us feel insecure about our behaviour and decision making. I was woefully ignorant to these fundamental rules of dating which seem to exist due to relationship columnists in various trashy magazines. The last year has been a steep learning curve when it comes to navigating the dating scene and a fair few life lessons have been discovered the hard way. I have had my fair share of failed, frustrating and just down right fucking annoying situations with men, and as I’ve learnt- It’s often laugh or cry. Perhaps where we often fall down as intelligent young twenty something ladies is that we expect too much too soon. We’re demanding, confident and driven, often not wanting to settle for a relationship which doesn’t enrich our lives. I have allowed myself on occasion to believe this is the reason why I felt let down in a relationship- I just expect too much. Perhaps high maintenance springs to mind.
Then on reflection, bollocks to that. This is the first dating blunder I have fallen victim to. We expect a degree of composure and maturity and just human decency from ourselves. Why would I not expect this and more so from someone I’m considering becoming romantically involved with? If we don’t expect a lot from someone, It’s probably because we subconsciously know they can’t deliver. If you cannot see at least some future or direction with a guy on a first date, then It’s probably best to gracefully back out, saving yourself the hassle and disappointment. I hate the idea that I expect or want someone to offer me a future instantly, but there is no shame in admitting that we often do feel the need to meet someone who will sweep us off our feet and put an end to the endless blunders of singledom. Why is it such a foe par to know what you want from a relationship and tell someone just that. We label other women ‘high maintenance’ and ‘needy’ without a seconds consideration for their plans and hopes for the future and the relationship they envisage. Arguably if we don’t demand the same level of respect and consideration in a relationship that we do in other aspects of our lives then we welcome in every confused, commitment phobe, deeply troubled, tortured poet type. Teetering on the commitment shy end of the scale myself, I am by no means promoting a 5 year plan with a guy from a first encounter. The key here is realising whether the person is worth investing your time, energy, patience and eventually emotional attachment with.
RightSideOf25 